She was a senior in high school when Laura’s disease first became so acute that we no longer could believe she was just going through typical teenage angst. Although in hindsight I realize that all the symptoms had been creeping up for several years, the first suicide attempt we knew about happened the summer before her senior year. We had her to a psychiatrist that very afternoon.
In 1990, there wasn’t a lot of information about what was then known as manic-depressive disease and medication choices were slim. A new drug called Prozac had recently become available, but her doctor didn’t believe she needed it until the second attempt two months later. We cannot judge its effectiveness because it is a drug that treats depression, but the manic stages were still not under control. As the year went on, and her behavior became more unpredictable, I realized I was over my head and needed help too.
Enter Carolyn Lohman, a psychologist that led us through the valley of Laura’s awful senior year. How naive we all were then about how seriously sick she really was. Somehow we really believed she could take these anti-depressants and have a normal life. She graduated and we sent her to college. It was a huge error in judgment that took us years to understand.
Twenty-two years later, Laura died. I called Carolyn Lohman again.
Dennis says that going to Carolyn for counseling was like getting a roadmap on how to survive with this incredible grief. We were walking in a fog, and she showed us a path. In the first few months, we learned how to cope with the holidays that were coming (don’t decorate, don’t do anything that you’ve ever done before) and how to answer all the questions people ask, and generally how to navigate in a world without Laura. Well-meaning friends told me about grief recovery groups that were totally the wrong place for us to be. Suicide survivor groups don’t even want to see you for the first six months and I now understand that reasoning. We needed to focus on how we, Laura’s parents, were going to face the world and deal with our deep torment and Carolyn showed us a way.
No matter how strong you think you are, the death of a child is an unbearable loss that needs a professional help to guide your way from the abyss. She could predict situations and problems before we had to deal with them. Having ready made answers and the knowledge of what you were going to do was a priceless gift.
In fact, we went to Carolyn in decreasing amounts each month for over two years. I told one of my friends that it was comforting to me to know that at least once a month I would have a whole hour where I could just sit and talk about my daughter. I actually may even go back some day.
Life Without Laura 